Ever look back at your week and feel like nothing really significant happened, and yet so much happened? That's me, if not on a regular basis, then for sure this past week. It's easy in our fast paced world to see only the busyness before us or the craziness behind us, not recognizing the significance of the moments past or ahead. So often I am baffled by how much I feel I've been through and how much I've grown, yet not being able to verbalize all the things I have learned.
Initially when I looked back at the past week I thought, "eh, nothing really happened." And then all of the sudden my mind drug up, one by one, all the significant and insignificant moments that made my week into one worth remembering. One day I'll probably look back at the week and think only of one or two significant things, but right now when I think of this past week it feels like a perfect snapshot of life at its current stage.
And with that, here are seven things that happened in (almost) the last seven days and the thoughts that came with them. Not that I think they are all great or that you (whoever you may or may not be) care, but to me these things felt worth writing, even if just for myself as I process through them.
Thing 1: I drove to Barstow (yes, Barstow) and went to the drive-in for the first time.
In all my years, travels and adventures, somehow I never made it as far as the drive-in. After 2 weeks of being held up hostage in my apartment with a cold, and an insane 2 weeks of back-to-back camps for my roommate/friend/travel buddy, we were both itching for adventure. With little money to spare and only a few hours to fill, we came across 2 things, one right after the other, that turned out to be one of the highlights of my summer. First we went to Elmer's Bottle Tree Ranch where we explored the eclectic mind of a sentimental artist who turned out to be just the sweetest, friendliest old man (worthy of a post in itself). Then, after a trip to the local grocery store where we purchased the fixings of a picnic dinner, we ventured to the Barstow Drive-In where we sat, ate m&m's, propped our feet out the windows while laughing, chatting and occasionally letting the outdoor air, twinkling stars and bolts of lightening catch our wandering eyes. As I sat, feet propped out the window I asked my roommate/friend/travel buddy, "do you ever end up somewhere and wonder how the heck you got there?" Well, that was me and this was exactly one of those days. And it was perfect.
Thing 2: I ate macaroons from the frozen section of Trader Joe's.
It may not sound all that thrilling, but when you have the itch to travel, even the smallest things and slightest flavors have a way of transporting you to another land, and for a heck of a lot cheaper than a plane ticket. I've had this crazy urge to travel lately (more than normal anyways, which is already significant). With a tight budget and plenty of unexpected bills lately I can't imagine how to pull of a trip in the near future, but until that day does come, I will eat macaroons, watch movies about France, read books about Berlin and ask friends, "if you could be anywhere in the worlds right now, where would you be and what would you be doing?" (all of which I have done recently). I may be practical, but I can still be a dreamer.
Thing 3: I danced in the living room, by myself, twice. And I liked it.
Sometimes you just need to let loose, be silly, and laugh at yourself. This is the perfect way to do just that, and if you can find a few minutes with the house to yourself, I strongly encourage you to try this.
Thing 4: I turned down the opportunity to go to Kenya.
*Gasp!* I know I know. Why would I turn down the opportunity to go to Kenya when I've already admitted having the travel bug? Well, the truth is, I don't really know why. It was definitely not an easy decision, but one I put a lot of thought and prayer into. My rational reasons include finances and, well, mostly finances. The other part of me just had a gut feeling it wasn't the right timing. As in, YES--go, BUT not right now. I'm choosing to be OK with this answer, trusting there is a reason why and at some point it will make sense. I can't say I am totally happy with my answer, although I am confident I made the right decision. I also can't say I'm not struggling with a bout of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Insert sad face.
Thing 5: I spent a LOT of money on my car.
This summer alone I've probably spent at least $1500 on my car. As you can imagine, I don't exactly have that kind of money lying around in the form of spare change around my house, nor do I have a secret sugar daddy to spot the bill. As the expenses first began to arise I was feeling OK. I was being responsible to take care of my car and would make the necessary payments to pay off the debt it took to make the repairs. And then something else came up. And then something else. And then something else. SERIOUSLY?? At this point I've dropped two month's worth of rent on my car and have almost another month's rent left to go. Sorry...I'm venting apparently. Point being, I've spent a lot of money that I don't have and it's actually made me start questioning why I am in ministry and making absolutely no money. I realize now this is probably exactly what Satan wants me to think, so I have good reason to keep fighting the good fight, trusting God will somehow provide. I'm scared. I am worried I won't ever be able to pay it off nor get "ahead." But in this moment I am choosing to trust. Eventually the truth with sink in...right?
Thing 6: I went to a conference.
I went to a conference for work and it made me think and question a lot of things in my life. What do I need to let go of in life? How should I be structuring my life in order to have a healthy and balanced life? What new things am I being called to? What is God trying to show me right now? Sure, these are always questions I have, but some of them started to sink in a little more deeply. Like, maybe I should actually pursue the answers to these questions. This one is definitely a TBD...
Thing 7: I forgot to bring a promised dish to a potluck.
I went to a potluck this morning and previously replied to a group Evite that I would bring dessert. As I picked up a friend and she hopped in the car she asked, "aren't you bringing something to the party?" to which I immediately replied with curse words and burying my head in my hands out of shame and frustration. Then I had two options of what to do. The old me would have freaked out, stopped at the grocery store or closest place to get a semi-nice/presentable dessert, buy a platter to put it on, and spend money I don't have to cover my failure. Instead, the new me texted the hostess, kindly apologized and let her know I forgot the dessert, and asked if it was worth me stopping to pick something up on the way. Thankfully she replied graciously and said not to worry about picking anything up on the way, that we would have enough food without my addition, or lack thereof. CRISIS AVERTED. See? Look how far I have come in 26 and a half years. *Pats self on back* "Way to go, Allison. Way to go."
There you have it. 7 things in almost 7 days. So much from an otherwise uneventful week in my life.
What happened in the last seven days of YOUR life?
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
About My 20's
I could spend days writing about life in my 20's and still not be able to explain these years adequately nor understand them to begin with. As a 20-something each day begins with a pregnant pause of anticipation-What's to come? What does this day hold? Who will cross my path? Moments pass by at a snail's pace, and then before you know it you're living an entirely different life than you were just 6 months ago. It's impossible to keep up with the days, each one abandoning me before I have the chance to get even the slightest grip on it. I know I am being shaped and formed into the person I will one day say I am, but there is no way now for me to tell you who that will be. You actually probably have a better idea of who I am than I even do.
20's are about so many things. They are about forging relationships and breaking the bad ones off. They are about being broken and rebuilt. They are about late nights with best friends driving down PCH with music blasting out the windows and about gaining and losing weight as if your life depends on it. 20's are about spur of the moment adventures with no one to answer to and road trips to destinations off the beaten path. In your 20's you scrimp by to make ends meet, and sometimes choose to forget you're broke and spend the money anyways. In your 20's there are a tears and college debt and more cartons of ice cream that I'd like to admit. From 20-29 a lot happens and a lot changes. Despite being one decade, both ends couldn't look more different.
Tonight, being a 20-something meant dancing in my living room to music blaring from my iPhone simply because that sounded like a heck of a lot more fun than a run, walk, or popping in some boot camp-kick-your-ass DVD. As you may have read, I went through a really difficult season not too long ago, although it's starting to feel further and further away from my present. I struggled and fought and cried in the shower until I could get myself together just enough to play normal.
But now I'm on the other side and I'm ready to have fun. I'm choosing to believe the rest of my 20's will be marked by joy. In these next few years I will laugh with friends and more importantly, laugh at myself. I will travel. I will sing as I drive at the top of my lungs knowing full well the car next to me bears witness to my insanity. I will dance in my living room on a Thursday night, music as loud as my little phone can manage, leaving a sink full of dishes and 4-day old pile of laundry to fend for themselves. I will do all these things in the name of joy, for the sake of my sanity and enjoying the life I've been given.
20's are about so many things. They are about forging relationships and breaking the bad ones off. They are about being broken and rebuilt. They are about late nights with best friends driving down PCH with music blasting out the windows and about gaining and losing weight as if your life depends on it. 20's are about spur of the moment adventures with no one to answer to and road trips to destinations off the beaten path. In your 20's you scrimp by to make ends meet, and sometimes choose to forget you're broke and spend the money anyways. In your 20's there are a tears and college debt and more cartons of ice cream that I'd like to admit. From 20-29 a lot happens and a lot changes. Despite being one decade, both ends couldn't look more different.
Tonight, being a 20-something meant dancing in my living room to music blaring from my iPhone simply because that sounded like a heck of a lot more fun than a run, walk, or popping in some boot camp-kick-your-ass DVD. As you may have read, I went through a really difficult season not too long ago, although it's starting to feel further and further away from my present. I struggled and fought and cried in the shower until I could get myself together just enough to play normal.
But now I'm on the other side and I'm ready to have fun. I'm choosing to believe the rest of my 20's will be marked by joy. In these next few years I will laugh with friends and more importantly, laugh at myself. I will travel. I will sing as I drive at the top of my lungs knowing full well the car next to me bears witness to my insanity. I will dance in my living room on a Thursday night, music as loud as my little phone can manage, leaving a sink full of dishes and 4-day old pile of laundry to fend for themselves. I will do all these things in the name of joy, for the sake of my sanity and enjoying the life I've been given.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I dream and yet I wait
I'm sad for not having written more this summer-to save the memories in my personal time capsule. But on the other side, it's been a memorable summer, one where I'm not sure ill need documentation in order to remember the bits and pieces that have filled my days. It's a wonderous thing, what time will do for you.
Just last summer I was going through the motions awaiting something. What? I did not know and still don't fully grasp. But I see God at work. I see what he has done and what he is doing. Not long ago I was very seriously considering some major life changes. Moving, quitting, starting over. But something inside me, the Holy Spirit I suppose, kept me from making those life altering decisions. Something in me said, "not rigt now, I have something else for you." I did not understand and honestly wanted nothing more than to ignore those words and do what I wanted to do. But I knew better. And besides, I'm fortunately/unfortunately one of those people who always does the right thing, no matter how much I wish I could let that go sometimes. Anyways, I chose to follow that voice telling me to stay with one stipulation-if I'm gonna stay, I need a reason to stay.
Somehow through a series of events, opportunities, and changes I took the bold step to knock on some doors. More specifically, I put myself out there, feeling vulnerable and unguarded, for a new job opportunity. Well, that job didnt work out for me, but that did open the door for something I never saw coming a year go. The position I know hold (a promotion) was a job that just a few months prior I told friends I would never be interested. The position seemed awful and a drag-something that would tie me down to a career path I wasn't sold out to.
But then I started to see the job through new eyes. What once seemed miserable left, simplifying the job before me to it's bare bones, ready to be fattened up again in a new and fresh way. And apparently I was the one to do the fattening. I can't say I feel fully equipped for this job. I was well prepared for it in many ways, but honestly feel like I am beig taught more than I'm teaching. I can't say yet that I'm a benefit to others. Each day I walk into work I play boss. I am playing my new role and figuring it out as I go along. I'm in a learning curve that I know God has called me to. My time is not finished in ministry. Whatever step he has for me ahead he is preparing me for now. The things I'm learning now are different than the last 5 years, and feel very specifically designed for me to learn. As if God has a check off list of things he wants me to learn. I went through phase one and now I'm moving to phase two. I have a feeling these phases may never end.
I wonder what's in store. I wonder what lies ahead for me. But I know I've been called to this time and the season will be short. Ill never get these days back nor will I experience life the way I am today. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will lose the opportunity to experience today first hand. All I can do is live today being fully present, taking with me what God is teachig from the moments he has given me. I dream and yet I wait, savoring the moments before me and stowing them away in my pocket like a treasured coin or favorite toy.
Just last summer I was going through the motions awaiting something. What? I did not know and still don't fully grasp. But I see God at work. I see what he has done and what he is doing. Not long ago I was very seriously considering some major life changes. Moving, quitting, starting over. But something inside me, the Holy Spirit I suppose, kept me from making those life altering decisions. Something in me said, "not rigt now, I have something else for you." I did not understand and honestly wanted nothing more than to ignore those words and do what I wanted to do. But I knew better. And besides, I'm fortunately/unfortunately one of those people who always does the right thing, no matter how much I wish I could let that go sometimes. Anyways, I chose to follow that voice telling me to stay with one stipulation-if I'm gonna stay, I need a reason to stay.
Somehow through a series of events, opportunities, and changes I took the bold step to knock on some doors. More specifically, I put myself out there, feeling vulnerable and unguarded, for a new job opportunity. Well, that job didnt work out for me, but that did open the door for something I never saw coming a year go. The position I know hold (a promotion) was a job that just a few months prior I told friends I would never be interested. The position seemed awful and a drag-something that would tie me down to a career path I wasn't sold out to.
But then I started to see the job through new eyes. What once seemed miserable left, simplifying the job before me to it's bare bones, ready to be fattened up again in a new and fresh way. And apparently I was the one to do the fattening. I can't say I feel fully equipped for this job. I was well prepared for it in many ways, but honestly feel like I am beig taught more than I'm teaching. I can't say yet that I'm a benefit to others. Each day I walk into work I play boss. I am playing my new role and figuring it out as I go along. I'm in a learning curve that I know God has called me to. My time is not finished in ministry. Whatever step he has for me ahead he is preparing me for now. The things I'm learning now are different than the last 5 years, and feel very specifically designed for me to learn. As if God has a check off list of things he wants me to learn. I went through phase one and now I'm moving to phase two. I have a feeling these phases may never end.
I wonder what's in store. I wonder what lies ahead for me. But I know I've been called to this time and the season will be short. Ill never get these days back nor will I experience life the way I am today. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will lose the opportunity to experience today first hand. All I can do is live today being fully present, taking with me what God is teachig from the moments he has given me. I dream and yet I wait, savoring the moments before me and stowing them away in my pocket like a treasured coin or favorite toy.
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