I dream and yet I wait

I'm sad for not having written more this summer-to save the memories in my personal time capsule. But on the other side, it's been a memorable summer, one where I'm not sure ill need documentation in order to remember the bits and pieces that have filled my days. It's a wonderous thing, what time will do for you.

Just last summer I was going through the motions awaiting something. What? I did not know and still don't fully grasp. But I see God at work. I see what he has done and what he is doing. Not long ago I was very seriously considering some major life changes. Moving, quitting, starting over. But something inside me, the Holy Spirit I suppose, kept me from making those life altering decisions. Something in me said, "not rigt now, I have something else for you." I did not understand and honestly wanted nothing more than to ignore those words and do what I wanted to do.  But I knew better. And besides, I'm fortunately/unfortunately one of those people who always does the right thing, no matter how much I wish I could let that go sometimes.  Anyways, I chose to follow that voice telling me to stay with one stipulation-if I'm gonna stay, I need a reason to stay.

Somehow through a series of events, opportunities, and changes I took the bold step to knock on some doors. More specifically, I put myself out there, feeling vulnerable and unguarded, for a new job opportunity. Well, that job didnt work out for me, but that did open the door for something I never saw coming a year go. The position I know hold (a promotion) was a job that just a few months prior I told friends I would never be interested. The position seemed awful and a drag-something that would tie me down to a career path I wasn't sold out to.

But then I started to see the job through new eyes. What once seemed miserable left, simplifying the job before me to it's bare bones, ready to be fattened up again in a new and fresh way. And apparently I was the one to do the fattening. I can't say I feel fully equipped for this job. I was well prepared for it in many ways, but honestly feel like I am beig taught more than I'm teaching. I can't say yet that I'm a benefit to others. Each day I walk into work I play boss. I am playing my new role and figuring it out as I go along. I'm in a learning curve that I know God has called me to. My time is not finished in ministry. Whatever step he has for me ahead he is preparing me for now. The things I'm learning now are different than the last 5 years, and feel very specifically designed for me to learn. As if God has a check off list of things he wants me to learn. I went through phase one and now I'm moving to phase two. I have a feeling these phases may never end.

I wonder what's in store. I wonder what lies ahead for me. But I know I've been called to this time and the season will be short. Ill never get these days back nor will I experience life the way I am today. Tomorrow will be a new day and I will lose the opportunity to experience today first hand. All I can do is live today being fully present, taking with me what God is teachig from the moments he has given me. I dream and yet I wait, savoring the moments before me and stowing them away in my pocket like a treasured coin or favorite toy.