I promise I won't always only talk about Haiti. But as I continue to fall back into old routines, I find myself trying desperately to hold on to what I experienced, not wanting to turn into the person I was before I left or allow my vision to be blurred by the normalcy of work and living a tired life. In attempt to make what I learned a part of who I am, I write. I write to secure these truths as my own. I write to expose reality. If I share it, if I write it, if I make sense of what I saw, then it must be true.
With that behind us, let's talk about Haiti.
I mentioned in my last post that I struggled with connecting during the trip. However that wasn't the only thing I struggled with. During our 4 days of medical/dental clinics we saw 600+ patients. Teeth were pulled and patients were seen, diagnosis being made left and right. We saw a plethora of illnesses, from colds to scabies, infections of all sorts and enough acid reflux to melt a small city. We gave out medication to all patients in need, to the point where we literally ran out of meds.
Some patients would need only a short supply of medication to clear up their illness while others clearly needed more than we could supply. Depression. Anxiety. Acid Reflux Disease. High Blood Pressure. So many diseases we could not help for more than a few days at most. Depression and anxiety fell in the "prayer only" category, meaning we had nothing to help them besides encouraging words and prayer. As the hours drug on our "pharmacy" slowly informed the doctors each time we ran out of a med, and quickly I became frustrated. Already we could only help some patients for only a day or two at most, but now we struggled to even do that.
What are we here for? I asked myself. Are we really helping these people? They don't just need a pill or a bandaid, they need real, long term care. They need monthly prescriptions. They need education on what to eat and how to take care of themselves. All we have are a few pills! Then, I would remember that we are bringing them hope and at least some relief. The doctors are doing their best, teaching as they are able. They are reassuring moms of their child's health. They are teaching patients simple things to help relieve some of their lifelong aches and pains.
I felt caught between these two trains of thought the majority of each day. I wasn't sure how useful we really were, or how to really fix these people's problems, but I chose to trust God's purpose in our being there. I chose to focus on the fact that we were a listening ear to each patient, at the least reminding them they are not alone. I find that in pain, whether emotional, spiritual or physical, most people just want to be heard and know that they are not alone in their pain. We could at least do that much, and that much I know we did. We also prayed for people. We laid hands. We brought people to the Lord. We even prayed over homes and families for protection from evil.
Even still, not all of me was satisfied by our efforts. I tried to focus on the good we were doing, remembering that our clinic was an outreach opportunity and means to meet the people's needs in a tangible way, even if just for a short time. But I struggled.
Then, nearly a week after my arrival back home, with most of these thoughts faint in the distance, I came across the perfect words I needed to hear to put my concerns at rest.
"As I read my Bible last night after falling into bed, the Lord continued to take me to the miracles of Jesus. And something I never noticed before really stood out. The Bible tells us of Jesus magnificently raising Lazarus from the dead, healing numerous deathly ill people, and feeding thousands.
What the Bible does not mention, but what must be true is that, years later, Lazarus still died. The people Jesus healed were inevitably sick again at some point in their lives. The people Jesus fed miraculously were hungry again a few days later. More important than the very obvious might and power shown by Jesus' miracles is His love. He loved these people enough to do everything in His power to 'make it better.' He entered into their suffering and loved them right there.
We aren't really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that. We are just called to love with abandon. We are called to enter into our neighbors' sufferings and love them right there." -- Katie Davis, Kisses from Katie
There it is. We are not called to save the world or even a single soul. We are called to love others as God loves us. We are called to bring the hope of Jesus to others through our words, actions, and the small miracles God chooses to do through us on a daily basis. All of the sudden the weight I felt, the burden I had put on my shoulders, was lifted. It's not about me or how much I can do or how much I can help, fix, solve or plan for. It's about what God wants to do and how it will glorify him. My only job is to be willing.
Allison Elizabeth
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