Yes and No

Lazy mornings around this part are few and far between. I can't remember the last time I had an empty day, one where there was nothing to do, nowhere to go, and sips of coffee to fill every moment of it.

I often wish I was one of those people that thrived on busyness. It seems like most people in my life have full schedules and lives and they're eager to get to every minute of it. These people I envy, because I fall into the other category. My life is full, for which I am grateful because of what that represents (friends, a job, family, a home, etc.) but instead of craving just one more lunch date or a few more minutes talking with this person or that, I crave home. I crave time in my pajamas unwinding from hectic days. I crave moments in the kitchen making my own meal and minutes before bed where I can open a book forcing my eyes to close as the sun finds it's home beneath the ocean floor.

It's in those moments where I begin to feel human again. Sometimes all I want is nothing more than to turn my cell phone off, close my laptop, shut down the T.V., and just be. I don't do that very well. There is usually a list to be crossed off one monotonous task at a time, not to mention the daily tasks that don't quite make a list and are equally as unlikely to get done. In all honestly, I'm lucky if I even get to the list.

I'm not sure when all of this happened. Is it part of growing up? Is this how my parents felt when they were my age? Is this how everyone feels?

I don't want to be someone so absorbed in life that I miss out on the small things in life. I don't want to miss so many small things that I start missing out on moments that turn into days, that build into weeks that somehow turn into years where I don't know what I've done and can't remember where I've been.

I want to savor life. I want to enjoy the small things and the big things. I want to soak up the sun and taste every morsel of food that enters my mouth. I want to truly engage in conversation, prodding for more instead of being short with my words, hoping every last line closes the conversation allowing me to finally drive home in a fury of desperation to shut down my mind and become one with Netflix.

It recently came to my attention that I am pretty tightly wound. High strung. Overstimulated. All of the above if you will. Not only am I overstimulated, but I'm overwhelmed by all that life requires of me. It's time I start practicing my "no" so I can embrace my "yeses". Saying "no" to what drains me allows me to say "yes" to the things that energize and recharge me. Saying no means I can embrace the moments of my day and the people in it. Saying no means I let go of what society expects of me and do what brings me joy. After all, allowing joy to permeate my life is much more valuable to society than whatever task I might cross off the perpetual list that lives in my mind. I promise you.