In the 8 days I've been home, I've developed a few key responses I have with people to the "how was your trip?" question. These responses help me introduce the trip without going into crazy detail, but open the door for greater, deeper conversation if the patron is willing. Even still, sometimes I'm afraid I go into greater detail than the other person was prepared to hear, but that's what you get for asking!
One of my many responses is, "it was a different trip for me." And it's true. This trip felt different. I've done missions work for years. I know I am only 26, but already I've been doing missions since for nearly 14 years. More than half my life.
Quickly into the trip I had a hard time connecting. This was true of both my team, the patients at our medical clinics, and the local team of translators, pastors, and student leaders we worked with. Being my second time in Haiti, I thought I would connect better, quicker, and deeper than during my first trip. I knew half my team, I knew many of the locals we worked with, and was excited about the student leaders who seemed so fun and eager to serve. I kept pushing, thinking things would mesh soon enough, but each day ended in my disappointment. One day less and no more progress. I wanted to connect and feel like I was a part of things, like I was a valuable part of my team, but it just wasn't happening. I knew I was useful, I knew I was loved, I knew God wanted me on this trip, but I didn't know why, and nothing and no one seemed to be revealing the answer to me. Finally I settled into the idea that, "I'm ok, I just need to let God do what he is going to do. This trip isn't JUST about me, it's for every person on this trip."
Sit back, observe, let people experience what I have for them, and let me do in you as I please.
On the way home after our last day of clinics we had the privilege of visiting the orphans housed and cared for by Church of God by Faith. In the few moments we had, 26 kids looked to us with hope in their eyes and joy in their heart. We brought little more with us than simple gifts of crayons, notebooks, and a soccer ball or two, but more than anything desperately wanted to affirm in them that they are children, chosen by God, created in His image with purpose. This 3 room home, shared 2 to a bed, 4 to a bunk, would not be the end for them. Not only does God have a great purpose for them, but in a matter of months we hope to bring them into a new home where they are wanted. We desire for them to grow in a home where their environment represents the truth of who they are. They are wanted by God, made with a purpose, a hope, and a future. It's hard to share this all in a matter of minutes, with 26 kids who speak another language, most under the age of 10, many under the age of 5, but I trust that God spoke through our actions and the few words we shared.
Leaving the kids that day I was on an emotional and spiritual high. This is what I had been missing all along! Kids! These faces! Playing! Why didn't we have a day scheduled with these kiddos? Couldn't we have done something fun with them or simply spent time playing with them in during our stay in Port Salut? Why was this missed? Why were we just now, on our last ministry day at the end of the day nonetheless, spending time with these kids? Isn't the livelihood of these kids the existence for our ministry in Haiti...to build them a home and to give them a future? Ahh!
Late that night after all our meds had been given out, our bags were partly packed, and our bellies full with our last meal of beans, rice, and chicken, we had our final debrief. Each of us on the team had been prompted earlier in the week to consider what things God might be calling us to leave behind in Haiti or the things God wanted us to take home. Each team member began to share their personal journey throughout the week and what it meant to them. I was eager to hear my team members bare their soul in a way that wouldn't normally happen back at home, less eager to admit the things in my life God had been revealing. Suddenly I began to speak, the words flowing from my soul. As I spoke, the words that had been jumping around in my head all week finally began to form real sentences, real prayers answered by God, and it sounded something like this...
"This trip has felt different for me than past trips. I have loved so much of what we have been doing and the people we've done it with, but I have been feeling somewhat disconnected. I couldn't really figure out what it was until today when we stopped to visit the orphans. All week I have been watching the doctors do what they do so well, loving being a part of helping people in such a tangible way, but feeling like I couldn't quite connect with anyone. Then today, visiting the kids, I was reminded of how much I love kids. What I've been missing all along was kids! Each of us is gifted so differently and while I've been helping this week, I've not been using my gifts. I love kids and God has given me the desire and passion to love on kids and do ministry with them. While the doctors connect with their patients in what they do, I connect best working with, playing with, and loving on kids. We are all different parts of the same body, each gifted uniquely do different things for the Kingdom. Even going home I've been struggling with what to do with my life and where God wants me, but realizing my love for kids really confirms my calling to be exactly where I am at working at the church."
That last line was the clincher, the kicker, the "Eek! Did I just say that??". Then, as if God knew I just put my heart on the line and needed some confirmation, our dentist reminded me that it was on our last trip that I was seriously, openly questions God's call on my life and if I should continue working at the church. He celebrated with me how awesome it is to see my life and questions come so full circle in the course of a year...to see God answer my prayers. I honestly did not remember I'd shared those concerns on our last trip, nor recognize that my prayer had been answered. I guess God really does know how to orchestrate things and put the right people in your path at just the right time.
So that's why my trip was "different". It was not a bad trip, although downright confusing at times and not what I expected. I felt disconnected to the point of practically having an out of body experience. But then, at exactly the right moment, God brought me back, reconnected my heart and mind in an instant, and confirmed in me exactly where He has and wants me. It may not be forever, but it's the answer to, "Lord, where do you want me?"...a question I've been asking for years.
I guess God does answer prayers.
Allison Elizabeth
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